


something new

by behradtomaz



Category: DCU
Genre: F/M, brief mentions of john's asshole dad, can't believe i'm letting them be soft, does this count as hurt/comfort, idk man, john loves zatanna zatara a l o t
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:48:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behradtomaz/pseuds/behradtomaz
Summary: zatanna didn't think her night was going to go like this.





	something new

there was a sharp knock at the door, and for a moment zatanna thought she might have dozed off during her reading and dreamed up the noise.

then, the knock came again.

rubbing the tiredness from her eyes, she stood and opened the door, her breath hitching when she saw who it was.

john constantine stood in the pouring rain, a hollow, lost look in his eyes, his trench coat torn, and blood that zee was almost certain wasn’t his staining his shirt.

she hesitated for a moment, knowing that letting him in probably wasn’t the best idea, but she also knew he wouldn’t have come if something bad hadn’t happened. she stepped aside so he could walk in, and it was john’s turn to hesitate, studying her for a moment before finally coming inside.

some of the tension seemed to drain out of him as he crossed the threshold of zee’s house, some of the fear gone from his eyes.

he still flinched when she held out her hand to take his coat.

zee moved back immediately, letting him have his space, and he gave her a flicker of a grateful smile.

“i’ll take your shirt and coat,” she said gently. “i’ll try to get the blood out, but i’m not sure it’ll work.”

“tryin’ to get me shirtless now, luv?” john tried for an amused tone, and failed, too miserable for humor, but zee smiled a little anyways.

he took off his coat and shirt, wincing a little as he moved and handed them to zee, who did her best not to stare. she’d seen him shirtless almost too many times to count, but almost every time he had new tattoos, sigils and spells curling around his body, some even glowing faintly, humming with magic. they were almost beautiful.

the clothes disappeared when she waved her hand, and when she looked back up john had his hands awkwardly shoved in his pockets, not entirely able to meet her eyes.

“…thanks, zee. for letting me in. i owe you.”

“no, you don’t.”

“yeah, i do. a lot. you’ve done more good for me than i’ve ever done for you. you deserve the world, ‘tanna. not this.”

that was…odd. john almost never spoke like this, always confident in himself and who he was, not worried about owing her anything or what she deserved from him.

it almost scared her, if only because it let her know that whatever had happened, whatever had driven him to her home in the first place was very, _very_ bad indeed.

zee took his hand, and pulled him a little closer to her.

“look at me, john.”

he slowly did, and she held his gaze, unflinching even as she noticed the layers of pain in his eyes that he usually did his best to hide.

“you’re an asshole sometimes,” she said, “but don’t ever think you don’t deserve to be cared about. i’m willing to help you, you don’t need to feel bad about it.”

this was the part where they would kiss.

this had always been the part in each visit where they would kiss, where john would give zee his most adoring, likely faked, look, and she would take him to her bed.

that was how it had always been for them.

but not this time.

john gave her a tiny smile, nearly told her he loved her. he didn’t, though. he didn’t think he ever would. because, no matter what she told him, john would always think that zatanna zatara deserved to be loved properly, pure and soft, and god knew he’d never been able to care for someone like that. everything he touched with his monster of a soul, everything he said, everything he loved turned dark and cracked, and he didn’t want that for her. never for her.

-

it took awhile for zee to gather the courage to ask john what had happened. she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to know, to be entirely honest.

she asked anyways.

they were sitting in the living room, next to each other on the couch, some shitty magic show playing on tv. pointing out how the actors performed their tricks was a fairly amusing habit of theirs, and it always worked to relax them both, give them a sense of order and calm.

this time, though, zee turned off the show mid-act.

“what happened?”

john tensed, his grip on the arm of the couch tightening as he stared into space for a moment, and then slowly said, “there was a demon. it wasn’t that hard to deal with, but, uh…it showed me my father.”

zee winced, didn’t need to press to get a sense of what it had been like for him. anything involving his father was sure to be traumatic, and she was a little surprised he hadn’t looked even more fucked up when he’d showed up.

“i’m sorry, john.”

“’s alright, luv. you’d think i’d be used to it by now, but…” he sighed. “that son of a bitch always hits me when i least expect it.”

“you don’t ever have to be used to it. it’s not your fault that you’re hurting.”

he didn’t flinch away when she wrapped an arm around him, and she took that as a good sign.

in fact, he even leaned into the touch, allowed her to comfort him for once, and it was…

it was nice.

john wasn’t used to this, wasn’t used to being cared for, had never really _let_ himself be cared for. it was something he had always wanted, but the world was cold so he made himself colder. being soft made you weaker in his mind, and he hadn’t let himself be weak in a long, long time.

and zee wasn’t used to him being like this with her, vulnerable instead of guarded and arrogant. this wasn’t the usual john constantine, but she found that she was alright with that.

it was something new, perhaps more foreign than it should have been, and they weren’t quite sure how it was going to end.

turns out, it ended with a kiss.


End file.
